


Sinnermen

by AgrippaSpoleto



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Friends to Lovers, Garak has a bun after prison (most of the times), Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated Fic, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Snapshots, They talk a lot, canon and postcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-03-08 18:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18900292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgrippaSpoleto/pseuds/AgrippaSpoleto
Summary: Seven snapshots through the course of Elim Garak's and Julian Bashir's acquaintance.





	1. Gula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gula (lat. for gluttony), Snapshot to 3x20 Improbable Cause
> 
> Beta'ed by the lovely Zaan! Thank you, dear.

 

“You're going to give yourself indigestion.”

Garak’s expression was one of patient disgust, or at least that’s how Julian interpreted it. A bit snappishly the Doctor retorted:

“Well I only have you to thank for that. If you hadn't been so late, I could have enjoyed my lunch.”

But Garak just raised an eyeridge.

“This isn't the first time I've seen you rush through a meal. You never take the time to savour your food. Did you know gulping down your food is considered extremely rude on Cardassia? Many people have been killed over silent insults to someone’s cooking.”

“It’s just the replimat, Garak. The food isn’t THAT good to begin with.”

“Even so. One doesn’t need to be a genius to realise you never lived through times of hunger. Only someone who has always had enough food on the table would dismiss the luxury of a full stomach.”

Julian rolled his eyes.

“That’s not the point. I'll have you know, humanity had its fair share of famines. In Medieval times one of the so called seven deadly sins centered around eating and enjoying food too much to the point of waste. Mostly the Catholic church - one branch of the old religions - was worried about selfishness and withholding food from those in need. Needless to say that their own nobility - clergy or not - was accused of overindulging regularly. Beaver meat - a mammal living in wetlands - was declared a fish, so they could circumvent certain rules about not consuming meat on special week days. But another sure way to commit gluttony was called _studiose_. Eating too daintily.”

“Eating daintly? Like this?”

Julian gulped. Garak had his  head back, maneuvering the berries into his mouth before he bit with gusto. Juice ran from his mouth to his chin ridge. His tongue lapped up  the juice from his lips and fingers. The display was very sensual and the Doctor had to compose himself before he wandered into embarrassing  territory. He stabbed an Andorian vegetable, whose name he didn’t care about, and swallowed it fast. Of course he choked on one of the bigger bits which resulted in a coughing fit. So much for his dignity.

Garak cleaned his mouth with a napkin all the while smirking at Julian, who was still coughing. After a moment the Cardassian took pity on him and handed him a glass of water.

“Doctor, are you alright? You look a bit ... flustered.”

Feeling his cheeks heat up, Julian could only glare at the infuriating Cardassian.

“Now, now, Doctor. What were we talking about just before you lost your breath? Ah, yes. Seven deadly crimes. What an interesting concept.”

Julian took the change of subject gladly.

“Not crimes, sins. A sin is an immoral act, in the old times it mostly went against divine law. These days we use it to point out serious offences or regrettable omissions.”

Garak looked intrigued. His interest was obviously piqued so Julian continued.

“The concept goes back mostly to religious context, mostly in relation to Christianity. The so called seven deadly sins, also known as the capital vices - pride, greed, envy, lust, gluttony, wrath and sloth - were considered the worst vices.”

“How fascinating. On Cardassia we do not have such a concept.”

Julian raised his eyebrow.

“So you don’t have unforgivable crimes on Cardassia?”

“A crime is a crime, Doctor. Nothing to forgive. You serve your punishment and then the crime itself is atoned.”

“But not forgotten...”

Garak tutted disappointedly.

“As always, you’re missing the point, my dear. A crime is always a disloyalty to the state. For example, when you steal, you show the government that you challenge the order of things. Sometimes the wrong is with those in charge of the allocation of food, clothing and other necessary goods; and sometimes people overreach, long for things they are not meant to have. In both cases the state has been challenged.”

Julian leaned forward on the table.

“Funny you should mention overreaching. Pride was considered the worst of the seven deadly sins. The dangerously corrupt selfishness, putting one’s own desires, urges and whims before the welfare of other people.”

“Well, for once I agree with your people’s  assessment, my dear. The welfare of the state is the welfare of all.”

The Doctor was appalled.

“I don’t. It’s an easy way to criminalise the wish for equality. Every desire for change can easily be condemned under the notion of order. Everyone has their place and the people in charge know what’s best for all without ever having walked a mile in the shoes of the less fortunate!”

Garak had leaned in closer as the debate had gotten heated.

“That’s a Federation viewpoint if I ever heard one. Order is...”

At that moment Julian’s combadge chirped and he realised how close they were. He cleared his throat and apologetically receded.

“My lunch break is over. I'm sorry to leave while you're still eating.”

To Julian's surprise Garak gathered his own and the Doctor’s dishes, to put them in the recycler.

“No, no, I'm done as well.”

The Human pointed to the Cardassian’s half full container.

“But you've hardly touched your plate.”

“If you really must know, I've been nibbling on Delavian chocolates all morning.”

They got up to put away the dishes and strolled on to the Upper Promenade. Julian could barely contain his curiosity.

“How did on Earth you get Delavian chocolates?”

His Cardassian friend grinned slyly which caused the Doctor to fondly roll his eyes.

“I promised my supplier I wouldn't tell, but since I deprived you of your dessert, I'd be more than happy to bring some by the Infirmary later this afternoon.”

Julian’s heart beat faster, and his face broke into a small intimate smile.

“Why thank you, I'd like that.”

“Until then, Doctor.”

Garak turned and Julian stared after him a moment.

_Get a grip, Bashir. You’re not a teenager anymore. That crush is getting out of hand._

Before he could ponder more, Major Kira approached him about the Yalosian Ambassador.

And then Garak’s shop exploded.


	2. Superbia and Vainglory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Superbia, as well as vainglory mean pride. Snapshot to 4x24 The Quickening.
> 
> Beta'ed by the lovely Zaan! Thank you, dear.

 

It hadn’t been difficult to break the lock of the Doctor’s office. Barely a challenge at all. When Garak stepped into Bashir’s lab, the Human in question was hunched over the research display, running sample after sample. Never stopping. It had been a month since the incident with the Blight in the Gamma Quadrant. While Garak and the Doctor had had their usual lunches, the Cardassian had seen that his friend’s mind had been elsewhere.

Dax had told him what had happened. At first Garak had been surprised by the unusual openness of the Trill but then he had realised that she counted on him to look after Julian. It seemed his fondness for the Doctor had not escaped her notice. There was nothing to be done about that now. He could only hope for her discretion. Dax was a very perceptive being, he had to give her that.

_Maybe it was arrogant to think that. But it's even more arrogant to think there isn't a cure just because you couldn't find it._

She had told Bashir nothing less than the truth. As Garak very well knew, the truth hurt, especially necessary truths. But he also knew that in the Doctor’s case something more was at play. Something in his past which scared him to death. It had taken the Cardassian quite some time to realise that the Doctor was playing a role just as much as him. Till after the ever underlying simmer of the wire had disappeared, in fact. Little things that he hadn’t been able to see in the haze of the endorphin cloud.

But instead of prying into the Human’s deepest secrets he decided to return him the same courtesy Bashir awarded him. The Doctor was just as entitled to his own truths and lies as the plain and simple tailor.

“I read that Austen woman’s novel you recommended me.”

In the last year they had revisited the Terran sins time and time again. They always made for heated and stimulating arguments. And sometimes they resulted in book recommendations. But Garak had to confess he failed to see the connection in this case.

The Cardassian's appearence made Bashir jump up and he held a hand to his chest.

“GARAK! You scared me half to death!”

The Doctor took a few deep breaths to steady himself. Garak just smirked knowing it would infuriate Bashir even more.

“You broke into my office just to tell me that you read “Pride and Prejudice”? And that couldn’t wait till tomorrow?”

Bashir’s eyes blazed in the dark, reflecting the light from the computer display. He had never been more beautiful in Garak’s opinion, except maybe in the holosuite. Waving a smoking gun. Suddenly the hazel eyes narrowed.

“Jadzia sent you, didn’t she?”

“No one sends me, Doctor.” Really, the nerve of the man.

“But she gave me an insight to why Humans, especially women, find that romantic drivel you call a novel so delightful.”

It obviously took Bashir a second to follow Garak’s mental leap. He sighed and seemed to surrender to the fact, that the Cardassian wasn’t as easily dismissed.

“Fine, do tell me then. Since you couldn’t wait till tomorrow it must be important.”

“Mr Darcy is indeed a most particular hero. ‘ _I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit._ ’ Now why do the ladies - fictional or real - like a man like this ?”

Julian stared at Garak for a moment. Then he threw up his hands in disconcertment .

“I don’t know. He’s distinguished, has money? He does nice things for Elizabeth?”

“Wrong, my dear. He may be sophisticated but only in the male perspective. You see, what makes women like him is the fact that he isn’t nearly as accomplished as everyone says he is. He’s awkward but he takes the humiliation of Miss Bennet’s rejection and accepts it. ‘ _Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased._ ’ Everything he does afterwards is to be a better person without any expectations tied to it. He doesn’t want Miss Bennet to know because he doesn’t want anyone to think he has a hidden agenda. That’s why he is a true hero.”

Julian blinked, his mouth hanging open. It looked as if he had just been granted some sacred knowledge. It was about time he understood how one does persue a lady - or a man for that matter. But of course it wouldn’t do to let the good Doctor believe that this was Garak’s own opinion. Not at all.

“Of course, those were Lieutenant Dax’s words. A good Cardassian would’ve accepted that first proposal.”

He almost believed it himself. Bashir on the other hand leaned closer and narrowed his eyes.

“Really? I take it Mr Wickham on the other hand is an example of a perfect Cardassian gentleman, then?”

Garak let a shudder go through his body.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Doctor. He reminds me a bit of Dukat, and we can agree that he is no gentleman.”

Bashir blinked and then started to laugh. An infectious belly deep laughter that Garak couldn’t help but join.

After they both had calmed down a little Bashir squeezed the Cardassian’s arm.

“Thank you, Garak.”

The Cardassian patted the hand on his arm and let it rest there a bit longer than socially acceptable.

“Whatever for, my dear?”

Bashir smiled fondly.

“Perspective.” He gave the arm one last squeeze and then stretched in the chair. “What would you say about dinner? I’m famished. And then you can tell me what you think about Mr Collins.”

Garak offered the Doctor his arm and together they left the lab and the samples behind.

“My what a splendid idea my friend. I have many opinions on Mr Collins. What a picture of a man.”

“Really, Garak, sometimes I think, you just say those things to wind me up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The text in italics is from 'Pride and Prejudice' by Jane Austen. I must confess, I haven't read it yet, so I searched the quote. So if the context is weird, you can blame it on that.


	3. Acedia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acedia (lat.) - without care, means the neglect to take care of something that one should do. Translated to apathetic.
> 
> Snapshot sometime after 4x26, Broken Link. During Garak's incarceration.
> 
> Beta'ed by the lovely Zaan! Thank you, dear.

 

It had been 16 weeks, two days, seven hours and Julian would’ve been able to tell how many minutes and seconds since the beginning of Garak’s incarceration, if he had cared for that. At first the Doctor didn’t know how to work through the fact that his best friend had tried to commit Genocide. But then Odo had come to the infirmary, worried about his Cardassian prisoner. The holding cells on DS9 had not been designed for long term residents. So one of the cells had been adjusted - temperature and all - for a Cardassian prisoner. Garak was even allowed some work and reading material under the scrutiny of the Chief of Security. But in the time of four weeks Garak had withdrawn into himself, doing nothing except sitting there, wrapped in a blanket. He barely moved at all. Odo had gotten worried about the Cardassian and after reviewing the security footage Julian had to agree with the Changeling. It was difficult to believe that the still figure was the same man who had barged into his office a few days ago to argue with him over a Jane Austen novel.

Seeing his friend in this apathetic state, made him realise that Garak had not expected to return. In a way he acted as if he was punishing himself for not succeeding. And somehow that was enough for Julian to move on. He started visiting him and after weeks of barely any progress, he decided to change tactics. Instead of giving Garak a book to rile him up as he had done before, he gave him one of his favourites. The plight of Edmond Dantès as well as the history of the book itself – especially the erasure of the author’s Haitian origins in the following centuries – had spoken to him as a teenager. To a boy who had felt just as betrayed and trapped by his family secrets as the future Count did by his incarceration in the Château d’If, it gave a sense of hope for the future.

But who knew what the Cardassian would take from it. And if Julian was being honest with himself he was nervous about his friend's reaction. He had never shared such a personal book with Garak. And his friend didn’t disappoint. As soon as he arrived at Garak’s temporary home - Odo on his coat tails - the Cardassian jumped up.

“What did you want to tell me with that book, Doctor?”

Garak waived the PADD around agitatedly.

“That I should break out of this cell? Which I could, you know.”

Julian flushed while Odo grunted grumpily.

“No, Garak, I wanted to give you something to take your head out of prison.”

The Doctor turned to Odo.

“I assure you, that wasn’t my intention, Odo.”

The Chief of Security let down the force field, so Julian could step into the cell.

“I hope so, Doctor.” He said, when the Human passed him. “At least he’s not just sitting in the corner anymore. But if there are any irregularities from now on, I’ll know where to look.”

The changeling gave them both a stern look and left them to their own devices.

Releasing his breath Julian turned to Garak, only to be eye to eye with his agitated friend.

“You wanted to get my head out of prison by giving me a book about a wrongly accused and incarcerated man?”

Julian smiled sheepishly.

“I didn’t think that through, did I? To be honest I just wanted to give you a book that I enjoyed reading again and again in my life. Besides the story is more than just about a prisoner, it’s about revenge.”

"Revenge, Doctor? That sounds very much not like you."

Garak seemed intrigued, which made Julian sigh with relief. It was more emotion than the Cardassian had shown in the whole of his prison sentence. Sitting down next to his friend on one of the visitor stools, which had just materialised, Julian answered with a sly grin.

"Maybe, but I wasn't always a Doctor driven by Federation principles and values, just as you weren't always a tailor."

Garak gave him a small smile before he sank down again.

"Why are you here? I tried to kill you."

The Doctor sighed.

"Yes, you did. Together with a whole race. And it would have been the best Cardassian death you could have wished for. A most noble sacrifice for the Union."

He held  Garak's gaze.

“Cardassia hurts you. Its mindset, it hurts you, and not only you. The Occupation of Bajor is the obvious example, but also many Cardassians are affected. I know you don’t want to hear this, but whenever a race thought themselves superior to others – be it the Romulans, Klingons, Cardassians, hell even Humans at some point – if meant suffering for all. The whole damn quadrant. I don’t want to see you hurting anymore.”

His friend snorted.

“As if the Federation hasn’t hurt you.”

Knowing very well what Garak was referring too, Julian couldn’t hold himself back. He wasn’t sure what the Cardassian knew but it was obvious he suspected something. But somehow they had silently agreed to let their respective secrets be. At least till now.

“You cannot drone on and on about Cardassia’s need to protect itself from dissident individuals and judge the Federation for protecting itself as well.”

“I can when they preach tolerance but still incarcerate individuals that do not conform with their society.”

Julian stiffened. His change in demeanour didn’t get past his friend because Garak touched his arm surprisingly gently. And then he said in an equally gentle tone:

“You mustn’t worry, Doctor. Secrets are only valuable if they stay secret.”

Julian couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I have no idea why that should put me at ease, but somehow it does. It means I understand you better than I anticipated.”

They sat together in a comfortable silence for a while and shared a sense of understanding. In a way it scared Julian. He had never felt that comfortable with someone - the occasional setback aside - than he had with Garak. It was dangerous to get close to somebody but then on the other hand, he was sick of being lonely. Leeta had been starting to realise that he wasn’t completely himself with her. It was only a matter of time now. What kind of man did toy with another being like that? ‘Khan’, a small voice said.

In that moment Garak spoke again.

“This book means a lot to you, doesn’t it, my dear?”

And somehow he drove the voice away and Julian couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Yes, it helped me through many lonely hours with only Kukalaka at my side.”

“Why do you like it?”

That was a new question and Julian decided to be as honest as possible.

“It’s about injustice, helplessness but also about taking your life into your own hands. It’s also an adventure and full of suspence. I think I like the Count because he is a very gray character. On the one hand he schemes his revenge meticulously but then he still has a lot of compassion towards the marginalised. Then there’s the author. Alexandre  Dumas is the son of a French General of Haitian descent. Which means they were black, like the Captain. But during that time period people in power where white and they treated people with different skin tones as inferior, colonised their land as well as their cultures and sold them into slavery. So Alexandre Dumas, while the son of a black General, has this history behind him. Some scholars say there is autobiographical stuff in that novel, but many later receptions depicted Edmond Dantès as white and many layers were lost.”

Garak smirked.

“Dark eyes, black  hair, full lips, youthful spirit and naivité. I of course couldn’t  imagine anyone but you in those first pages.”

The Doctor’s heart fluttered at his friend’s words. Julian’s voice was laced with much more confidence than he actually felt when he retorted:

“Funny you should say that, because I realised lately that I like the Count because he reminds me of you.”

Garak stared at him for a moment unreadable before he smiled fondly.

“That shouldn’t be a reason to like someone, Doctor.”

Julian chuckled.

“I’m sure there are many who would agree with you, but you know what? I don’t care.”

The Cardassian shook his head, probably thinking he was ridiculous. Which he was in a way.

“Did you finish it?”

Julian couldn’t help his curiosity.

“Of course, it’s not like I have somewhere to be.”

Garak said sarcastically.

“And?”

“And what?”

“What did you think about it besides ‘oh no, prison’?”

Garak paused for a moment.

“I think, I need to read it again. You see someone recommended it to me and now I need to read it again through his eyes.”

Julian couldn’t stop the beaming smile on his face.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Doctor. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome, my friend.”

Somehow the Doctor felt that he was missing quite a bit of cultural understanding but in this moment he didn’t care. He wouldn’t change one second of it. In his mind it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, giving someone your favourite book on Cardassia is practically a declaration of love :P.


	4. An original sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters theme is envy, but I kinda didn't like it as a title.  
> Snapshot in the aftermath of "Doctor Bashir, I presume?" 5x16.
> 
> Beta'ed by the lovely Zaan! Thank you, dear.

Some say it's easier when a secret gets discovered. Elim Garak would be inclined to disagree. Being able to choose how the world sees oneself was a luxury, one he has been able to preserve, at least most of the time. The good Doctor had always been an exception. First with the wire and then with Tain. But Garak was still guarding himself. 

If the Cardassian was honest with himself he had to confess he didn’t really understand his relationship with the Doctor. He had thought they were going somewhere after his incarceration, but then his friend had been replaced by a Changeling. Not that Garak had realised it. No, he had been too busy wallowing in self-pity to actually pay attention to the details. But then, it hadn’t surprised him that the Doctor had not wanted to pursue him further. How was he supposed to know what all his gestures meant in Cardassian society? Well, Garak wasn’t going to tell him. But he would’ve been lying if he said he hadn’t been elated to find the Doctor – if not safe and sound – at least alive in the internment camp. And they escaped. Together. Garak still felt the Doctor’s hands on his ridges while his breath had rattled in his chest. How often had he wished for those hands under more sensual circumstances.

Back on the station Garak didn’t know how to proceed. He knew the Doctor was hurt that nobody seemed to have realised that he had been replaced. But explaining why he had failed him would’ve have entailed some truths the Cardassian was not ready to share yet. If he ever was.

And now Julian Bashir didn't have his own secret anymore. Stripped bare in a way that Garak wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. Well, maybe his worst enemy but definitely not his best friend.

Garak saw the Doctor slumped in Quark's drinking one shot of Andorian Whiskey after the other in a quantity every other Human would've collapsed by now. Julian's eyes strayed over the room, full of loneliness and envy. For what? Human mediocracy? Probably. The good Doctor - for and all his arrogance and pride – wished for nothing more than to be accepted by his fellow Humans.

This would not do. Garak smoothed his tunic and strode with purpose in Julian's direction. Chief O'Brien glared at him but Jadzia Dax kept the Engineer at her side while smiling encouragingly. Well he wasn't going to dwell over that now, he was a man with a mission and that mission was called Julian Bashir.

"Doctor."

Julian turned and broke into a self-deprecating smile.

"Garak! Have you come to look at the fraud?"

He laughed out loud, an ugly obnoxious sound.

"No Doctor. ..."

"That's what it comes to in the end. As long as the augment is useful he can stay. Still they are afraid. And not without reason. Khan ..."

It hurt the Cardassian to see his friend in such a depressing mood. It didn’t suit him.

"Is not you.  You were enhanced because your parents made a decision - not necessarily a good or an appropriate one. I can't fathom why but I will not have you compare yourself to a megalomaniac who was bred in a laboratory exactly for the purpose of being better than anyone else."

Julian scoffed.

"Oh, and I wasn't?"

"If I understood your parents correctly, they wanted you to be able to keep up with your peers, to have a chance."

For a moment the Doctor was speechless. Then he narrowed his eyes. Good, anger was better than apathy. Garak had learned that lesson the hard way.

"How do you know...? Never mind, why do I even ask. It wasn't their choice. I could've been happy, maybe not the youngest Carrington Award nominee, but who knows what would've happened."

"Exactly, but neither do you. You can't change what has been done, no matter how much you hate it. You can only choose what you do with it. And from my perspective you have already shown what kind of man you are. The best Humanity has to offer because of your infuriating compassion and endless optimism. Your genetic code - or better the tampering of it - doesn’t change that."

Julian grabbed Garak's hand and laced their fingers together. The Cardassian's heart skipped a beat. Of course, the Human didn't know the significance of the gesture but Garak couldn't help but reel in the intimacy. Who was he to deny Julian this small comfort.

"Thank you, Garak. Truly. I'm sure some would not agree with you. We both aren't really proficient in seeing our worth beyond our utility to our people despite what our people do to us."

Garak couldn't really argue with that.

“Please, join me.” said Julian with a twinkle in his eye.

At first Garak wasn’t sure what was going through the Doctor’s tipsy brain, but then he saw the blue bottle and sighed fondly. Remembering himself over two years ago, trying to numb his pain with alcohol. He shook his head exasperatedly but answered anyway.

“I think it's a little noisy in here. I prefer to drink somewhere quiet.”

The Human laughed, grabbed the bottle and Garak’s arm. Much to the despair of Chief O’Brien it seemed. Commander Dax on the other hand had the audacity to wink at them.

“An excellent idea. We'll go to my quarters.”

Much later, the Doctor had finally fallen into a deep and hopefully dreamless sleep. Garak – clad in a set of comfortable, if a bit bright, night clothes – sat at the head of the bed and was carding his hand through Julian’s hair not really knowing how he ended up in that position. They had talked about fathers and their expectations and faults all the while the Doctor had smiled at him and held his hand again. Tain’s rage would’ve melted the Ice of Vasha. But in the calm of the station’s night setting he just couldn’t bring himself to care.


	5. Ira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ira (lat.) - wrath
> 
> A snapshot to Empok Nor 5x24
> 
> Beta'ed again by the lovely Zaan. Thank you for putting up with me!

Julian had never seen Garak like this. Not even under the influence of the wire. He stood in the entrance of the Cardassian’s shop, cradling Kukalaka in his arms, who had a bad tear in his front. The station was already in night mode but Kukalaka’s plight was dire and couldn’t wait till morning. Or at least Julian thought. Maybe it was something to take Garak’s mind of the whole disaster of Empok Nor.

So here he was now. Watching Garak tearing up a bolt of red Denobulan wool, while he hissed and growled. Julian slowly stepped into the shop, carefully as if not to startle the beast.

“Garak, what are you doing?” he called softly.

The Cardassian stopped and turned.

“What are you doing here, Doctor?”

“Actually, I came because I have a patient who needs your help.”

Garak stared at the Doctor, then at the toy, just to return his gaze to Julian’s face.

“Not today, Doctor.”

His voice was cold and bitter. With a last glance to Kukalaka the Cardassian turned his back and walked deeper into the shop. Julian followed him, scared for the man who had come to mean so much to him.

“That wasn’t you, Garak. You know that, right?”

Garak turned abruptly and stopped the Doctor in his pursuit. And for once he didn’t try to hide the anger in his eyes.

“You know nothing about me! That man on Empok Nor, he was me. I remember it clearly. The way I enjoyed killing them, watching their eyes go numb. Just as I did when I was Cardassia’s most loyal servant.”

“No. That man wouldn’t have talked to Amaro’s widow when she asked. Or organised flowers being sent up from Bajor for the funeral service.”

“And? Nothing but empty gestures.”

Julian grabbed one of his hands.

“Not for them and not for you. You are not that man anymore.”

But Garak ripped his hand back as if it had burned him.

“Leave me alone, Doctor.”

“Garak, please talk to me. Who are really angry with?”

Garak huffed.

“Leave me alone with your Federation psychology!”

But Julian wasn’t going to give up that easily and tried again.

“It wasn’t your fault…”

Before he could go on Garak snarled back.

“You know what, I am angry with you!”

Julian stopped.

“I am angry at you for thinking you understand me or Cardassia! For stringing me along, always dangling the chance of intimacy before my face like a carrot in your ridiculous Terran children stories. Using my affection for you without ever taking that last step.”

“Last step? There are always two people in a relationship.”

“What relationship? We don’t have a relationship!”

Julian felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He had thought that all those weeks of courting had been leading somewhere. Ever since that drunken night in his quarters he had decided that he wanted to make their relationship official.

“If you don’t want to be with me just say so!”

“I think we are talking about you not being brave enough to be with me.”

Garak was now snarling into the Doctor’s face, and even the most dense Human had to realise this wasn’t flirtation. It was rage. But Julian wasn’t going to back down this time. Especially when Garak had completely misunderstood him.

“But I want to be with you! I mean we have been on so many dates in the last month... I thought you understood what I was trying to convey with the gifts and the gestures. As the literature you gave me suggested. Subtle yes, but that is the Cardassian way, isn’t it?”

Garak’s expression changed from rage to disbelief and then to his indifferent mask. There was a pinch of disappointment in his voice when he answered.

“Doctor, Cardassian do talk about romantic feelings even if they don't always write about them. Even we need to voice ourselves and negotiate relationships, Doctor! Remember the 'Wonders of Sektar’.”

Oh, yes. Julian remembered the ‘Wonders’. Garak had suggested that book shortly after what the Doctor considered their first night together. It had been labeled as a Romance and Julian had greatly enjoyed it, but hadn’t really felt a connection to his own situation with Garak.

“They’re all in arranged marriages! I don’t see how this relates in any way to our current situation!”

The Cardassian sighed.

“Doctor, what does Teliok say to Passh'ti under the Olmi'k vines?”

“There are more important things in the soil than regnars and beetle targs.”

The Doctor furrowed his brow in confusion.

“How does this relate to our situation?”

His Cardassian companion stared at him for a second assessing him. It felt to the Human as if he had failed a test he hadn’t even known he was taking.

“Teliok acknowledges the fact that Passh'ti had a life before him, that she loved another but also that she was ready to give up that life for duty and the state. He also tells her that not all doors need to be open.  Which means as long as she does her duty to the state and the family she can keep her lover.”

Julian huffed.

“Secrecy is not my understanding of a healthy relationship, Garak.”

“That wasn’t the point I was trying to make, Doctor. Passh'ti loved a woman in a long-gone society which frowned upon same sex desire. Teliok gave her as much freedom as he could. I told you that novel was banned for being overly sentimental. It has - in Cardassian eyes - a happy ending. Passh'ti doesn’t need to sacrifice Milavi in the end. And Teliok loves his children and enjoys his family life. No one dies.”

Garak grabbed the Doctor’s hand.

“Cardassian love emphasises different things than yours. Sacrifice is important, but so are choice and respect. Emotions are different for us. And what seemed to have happened between us - a relationship without careful negotiation - is frowned upon.”

Both men fell silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Garak. But I genuinely thought you knew what we were doing. Yes, it was different than any other relationship I ever had. And I’m not talking about the lack of kissing but about the deep connection and intimacy I feel when I’m with you.”

Julian squeezed Garak’s hand and took a deep breath. Time for a bit of truth.

“I wanted to do it right. To bring a bit of Cardassia to you. To show you that you didn’t have to give her up to be with me.”

The Cardassian sighed fondly and stroked the Doctor’s cheek.

“I would never want you to give up your own customs, not when you are one of the few people on this miserable station who has never been hostile towards me for keeping mine.”

He pulled Julian to the comfortable seats in front of the changing rooms and they both sat down. Gently Garak took Kukalaka out of the Doctor’s arms and inspected the rip in the plush.

“You know, I think the incident on Empok Nor makes me so angry because it made me realise how far I’ve been from Cardassia in the last years. Not only in lightyears but also in my mind. I don’t want to go back to who I was before but it feels like I’m betraying her - for real this time.”

Julian observed the Cardassian as he spoke those words, quietly and never looking up from the toy in his lap. Gingerly he touched Garak’s shoulder, careful not to touch the ridges.

“I think you just have become a different kind of Cardassian. The question is if this is a bad thing or a good thing.”

Garak turned his head and leaned his forehead against the Doctor’s.

“I’m not sure yet. How can I serve Cardassia like this?”

Julian embraced his companion without moving his head. Gently he said:

“Somebody once told me if you can’t be loved then at least you must be useful. I think it is time we demand more than usefulness for ourselves. Garak, may I kiss you?”

“Kissing is not really the Cardassian way.”

Julian rolled his eyes but he had heard the sultry undertone in Garak’s voice.

“And that is exactly what brought us into this mess. So? I will not kiss you till you give me permission.”

He felt Garak’s lips on his as soon as he had finished talking. The kiss could be considered chaste but Julian didn’t mind. It was sensual and intimate just as he always hoped it would be.

“Is that permission enough?”

Garak whispered against his lips. Julian grinned.

“Yes, thank you. But we’ll need to talk a bit more. Since I’ve been invited to negotiate.”

The Cardassian gave him one last peck on the lips.

“I absolutely agree with you. Don’t get used to it though.”

Julian laughed and leaned into the tailor’s side, resting his head on the Cardassian’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, I know you better than you think.”

Garak took out a few of his tools and started to work on Kukalaka.

“Isn’t that a terrifying thought.”

Julian smiled fondly and watched as his now partner repaired his stuffed teddy bear. After a while he asked in mixture of shyness and cheek:

“We are a couple now, aren’t we?”

Garak stared at him for a second before rolling his eyes.

“Yes, dear.”

The Human snuggled closer to the Cardassian, yawning.

“Just checking.”

Julian woke up the next morning with a stiff neck and an imprint of scales on his cheek but not even a visit by Gul Dukat could’ve wiped the smile from his face. And when Garak grabbed the front of his tunic to issue an invitation to dinner in his quarters followed by a fast and intense kiss, it didn’t matter that Julian had to skip breakfast to be on time for his shift.


	6. Avaritia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avaritia (lat.) - greed
> 
> Snapshot sometime after 6x09 Statistical probabilities.
> 
> Beta'ed by the wonderful Zaan.
> 
> EDIT: I apologise for the errors in the text. Zaan corrected my mistakes but somehow when I copied the whole chapter it copied the errors and the corrections together which resulted in bad things. I tried to correct everything but in case I have missed something please point it out so I can rectify it. Thank you all for your patience...

 

It was surreal. Here was Miles O'Brien sitting in his shop. Complaining.  But not about the fact that he and the Doctor were in a relationship - which was  going very well, thank you - nor about his budding friendship with Professor O'Brien. No, he was here to complain about Julian canceling several holosuite appointments. And declining any invitation for darts.

“It has been over a week since we last played a game of darts, even longer since we were in a holo adventure together! Quit hogging my best  friend!”

After Garak had managed to calm the Chief and promised him to look into it, he locked up the shop and started to think.

It  was true, that Julian had spent quite a lot of time in his quarters lately. If he was being honest the good Doctor had been distracting him with bodily pleasures. And Garak had to agree with the Chief that this was not his partner’s normal pattern. In the throes of the war and the reconquering of Deep space 9 - ugh since when had he started to call the station by its Federaji name? - even a young man with enhanced capabilities had been too exhausted in the past month to do more than exchange a few lazy  kisses and sensual touches. If he thought about it, around a week ago the doctor had started to become especially attentive - not that Garak was complaining. They hadn’t left their quarters in the evenings since then. Garak narrowed his eyes. He had suggested a holoprogramme to help them both relax a little at some point. But Julian had declined, saying ‘ _I have a better idea how we can loose our tension._ _’_

Garak  was only mildly embarrassed that the line had worked. It had yielded very pleasurable results.  But when he continued to think about it he realised what the Chief and his holosuite programme had in common.

To test his suspicion he walked to his comm unit and called Jadzia Dax.

_“Garak, how can I help you? I must_ _say though_ _warn you that_ _decoding is not my speciality, but I’ll do what I can.”_

“ I’m not calling because of that. It’s about our mutual friend, the good Doctor.”

Dax’s voice immediately changed to a worried undertone.

“ _Is Julian alright?_ ”

“I hope so, but to be able to discern that I need you to answer me one question. When was the last time you remember him being in Quark’s?”

***

It didn’t take Garak long to discover what had happened with Quark. The station’s security grid was very good, but he made sure to always have a back door. Especially when it came to the greedy little scoundrel. But for once he didn’t want to confront the Ferengi alone. The Doctor had other people who cared for him and it seemed important to remind Julian he wasn’t alone.

So, when a Cardassian, a Trill and a Human walked into a bar, Quark seemed to realise almost immediately that this wasn’t the beginning of a joke. Especially when the trio walked up to the counter, the Chief and the Commander looking grim while Garak walked a bit behind them, smiling ominously. It was the smile that had broken more than one of his victims during his Order days. As soon as they stopped before the already quivering Ferengi, the alien in question started backing into the shelf.

“Whatever you think I have done, I didn’t do it!”

Dax leaned onto the counter, sizing him up.

“Quark, my good friend, you guarantee privacy in your holosuites, don’t you?”

“Y-yes, of course. I have a reputation to uphold.”

The Chief narrowed his eyes and with a speed Garak wouldn’t have expected of the burly man, he grabbed Quark by his lapels to nearly drag him over the counter.

“Then why is there footage of Julian exhausting himself during racquetball circulating?”

The Ferengi flailed his arms and started to whimper.

“The surveillance system goes online when someone calls the safeties off! So when something happens the computer can initiate the Emergency protocol!”

Garak, Dax and the Chief exchanged worried side glances with each other.

“Well, that explains why he didn’t say anything, the daft ejit”, murmured O’Brien before turning to Quark again.

“The safeties are supposed to be on all the time, Quark! And if somebody tampers with them, you are to report the incident immediately!”

“But that’s bad for business!”, squeaked the Ferengi indignantly.

“I don’t care about your latinum, Quark. Your greed hurt Julian and we will not stand for it.”

The Chief shoved the bartender back behind the counter.

“We’ll need to report this incident to Odo”, said Dax barely containing her anger.

“No, no, no, no! You can’t!” Quark grabbed the Trill’s arm. “He will revoke my license for the holosuites. Think about the morale of the crew.” The Ferengi sounded thoroughly desperate.

Garak stepped up next to Dax.

“Maybe there’s a solution. As long as you hunt down all the copies of the footage you sold we may refrain from reporting this incident to Odo.” His smile grew sinister again. With great satisfaction Garak observed the little troll’s squirming.

“And Quark, I’ll know, if even one is missing...”

“Yes, yes, of course. Everything you want!”

The Chief leaned onto the counter.

“Really, everything we want? How about a year of free use of the holosuites for all of us? Including Julian of course.” He smiled smugly.

Garak and Dax smirked at each other.

“A WHOLE YEAR? You’re ruining me! No one uses the holosuites quite as much as you do!” Quark went pale.

O’Brien turned to leave.

“In that case...”

In an incredible speed Quark managed to weasel around the counter and stop them from exiting the bar.

“Three months. My last offer.”

Dax raised an eye brow.

“Make that six and you have a deal.”

Quark was nervously opening and closing his fists before he yielded.

“Fine! But no word about this to anyone! I’ll loose my reputation as a ruthless businessman.”

Garak smiled falsely.

“Of course. A pleasure doing business with you.”

“Whatever. Now leave!”

With one last smirk for each other the trio left the bar.

After they reached Garak’s shop, they sat down again.

“What do we do about Julian? I mean, he can’t be fine when he goes playing high speed racquetball with the safeties off.”

Dax seemed helpless.

“What was he thinking?” The Chief’s voice was bordering on shouting.

“The Doctor is quite used to playing the role of the happy, if a bit naive Human, Chief. Having his enhancements revealed doesn’t change that.” Garak stood up and ordered himself a red leaf tea. The warm cup in his hands, he turned to his unlikely allies.

“We know what he went through in the last year alone. It is not really surprising that he’s looking for mechanisms to cope with it.”

Dax sighed.

“Having the safeties off is not an appropriate coping strategy!” The Chief cried out.

“I didn’t say that, Miles. Let’s be honest here -  not one of us actually managed to really see beyond Julian’s mask.”

The two Starfleet officers turned to Garak.

“Except maybe you.”

The Cardassian scoffed.

“Julian appreciates all of us but everyone for different reasons. And I think one of the reasons he decided to pursue you is that he doesn’t feel like he has to act as much around you as with us.”

Now the Chief was sputtering but Dax hold up her hand and continued.

“I don’t think it’s intentional. He probably has internalised all the propaganda about ‘superior ability breeds superior ambition’ that he can’t fathom that he can be enhanced and still be a good friend and dart partner without holding himself back.”

She turned to Garak.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

The Cardassian sighed. He knew it wasn’t a moment for lies, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

“I knew that he was more brilliant than the average Human and I was intrigued to see what he would come up with when confronted with an entirely different culture and language. I know he reads Kardasi quite well, even though he never told me. And it often hurts to see him aspire to mediocrity when he can be brilliant. The fear of rejection by his fellow Humans is very strong.”

“What is going on here?”

The trio turned to the entrance where the subject of their discussion was standing, a very confused expression on his face.

Dax didn’t hesitate a second and went to hug him.

“Jadzia, what’s going on?”

The Doctor reluctantly hugged her back.

“We went to Quark to sort out the mess” she mumbled.

“What?”

Garak got up as well.

“Did you think we wouldn’t realise that you were avoiding Quark’s?”

Julian looked a bit sheepish.

“I had hoped I had a bit more time before you figured it out. When I knew what I would tell you.”

“You daft bugger. Come here.”

The Chief had reached the Doctor as well and embraced him heartily.

“It is okay to have bad days Julian. And it’s also okay to seek help. From us or even from a professional.”

Dax boxed him into the shoulder.

“You’re not giving me hell for playing without the safeties on?”

Julian asked suspiciously.

The Chief just snorted.

“Don’t worry. It will come soon enough.”

Dax smirked.

“I’m sure we can think of something to get back at you. As long as you promise to talk to someone about it. Be it us, be it Garak or the Holo counsellor, I don’t care. Just do it.”

“I’ll try. It’s not that easy.”

Dax hugged him again.

“That’s all we ask.”

At this point Garak cleared his throat.

“I think maybe it’s time for us all to go back to work, I’m sure there's a lot to do.”

Dax laughed while the Chief narrowed his eyes.

“Come on, let’s leave those love birds alone.”

She grabbed the Chief’s arm and was about to leave ‘Garak’s clothier’ when O’Brien gave the Doctor another pat on the shoulder.

“Darts this evening? My treat.”

Julian accepted, smiling.

“Hey Garak,” the Chief called out. “You’re not that bad, I suppose. How about dinner with my family sometime?”

Garak nodded, a bit surprised.

“If you wish to, Chief, then who I am to stand in the way.?”

“Good, Keiko’s been bugging me for ages about it. For some reason she likes you.”

With that the two Starfleet officers were gone.

That left Julian and Garak alone. After a moment of awkward silence the Doctor walked up to his partner, who was still standing between the seats in the changing area. The Human took Garak’s hand and sat down, sighing.

“Are you angry with me?”

Now it was the Cardassian’s turn to sigh. He sat down on the arm rest of the chair that his too-brilliant-to-be-smart partner occupied.

“No. I’m only angry that I didn’t realise how much you were struggling.”

Julian leaned into his partner.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what to do anymore. The only way I can only stop my brain from thinking is when I truly exhaust myself. But after the incident with my fellow Augments it just felt safer if no one was reminded that I am one of them.”

Garak stroked the Doctor’s back soothingly.

“We all struggle with difference and probability, my dear. Just because something could happen doesn’t mean it will. On the other hand a value of probability tells us what to look out for, even if we still don’t know what to expect. We need the numbers but also the hope. You taught me that, Doctor. And I think one day the Federation will realise it as well. Then they’ll be finally capable of treating your fellow Augments as Humans.”

“Hopefully they learn it fast. Lauren, Patrick, Jack, and Sarina do not deserve to be locked away and treated like freaks. They deserve to see and live in the world just as much as anybody else. When will the people realise that there is something wrong in their society if parents would rather let their children die or worse than to let them live the way they are?”

“Even the Federation is not perfect, my dear. I always told you that.”

Julian smiled fondly at Garak, who couldn’t resist kissing him on the forehead.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

The Cardassian didn’t know how long they sat there in comfortable silence before Garak asked something that had nagged him since the Doctor had walked into his shop.

“You are not angry with me for meddling in your affairs, aren’t you?”

Julian, whose one arm had at some point snaked around the tailor’s waist, shook his head.

“Not really, I knew I would’ve to talk about it eventually but I didn’t know how. I may have preferred not to have all my friends involved, but then it fills my heart with joy to see you all working together. Just don’t make a habit of it. Maybe next time talk to me first?”

“I can agree to that.”

“If I had known that all it took for you and the others to bond was getting one over Quark, I may have done something like this earlier.”

Julian smirked while Garak rolled his eyes.

“Too soon, my dear. Besides I think they mostly appreciate the amount of free holosuite time your little stunt afforded us. To ensure our silence.”

The Human’s eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. Garak was pleased for the reaction but chose to keep the fact that the Doctor’s holosuite time was included in this deal to himself. At least for now.

“Your idea?”

“No, sadly I can’t take the credit for it. The Chief can be quite ruthless when he wants to be.”

Julian nudged his partner playfully.

“See, I knew you’d warm up to him eventually.”

The Doctor really was a sentimental creature.

“And what, please pray tell, was the probability of that?”

Julian smiled sheepishly.

“I didn’t actually calculate it because I was afraid the value wouldn’t be high enough to sustain my hope.”

Typical for the Human to make Garak’s point for him. He really was a ridiculous creature. As well as a formidable ally and partner. The Cardassian leaned his forehead to Julian’s and stroked his cheek fondly.

“My dear Doctor, there’s hope for you yet.”


	7. Lust for life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lust - the last of the seven deadly sins.  
> A snapshot into their post-canon lifes.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the fest and my little contribution to it. I had a lot of fun drawing and writing this little ditty as well as reading all your amazing work.
> 
> A big thank you to zaan-zaan for beta'ing my work and giving me very valuable feedback! I wouldn't have been able to finish it without you. Thank you!

_ _

 

_ My dear Mr Garak _

_ It seems like an eternity since we last saw each other. I’ve missed you in many ways. Every time I pass your old shop, I feel the pain of your absence. I seem to be very obvious (Did that surprise anybody? Maybe some, but not you.) since Kira casually mentioned to me – with her crooked smile, the one she wears when she’s gonna say something she’ll regret – that relations between Bajor and Cardassia have improved quite a lot. That it‘s safe for you to come. I suspect that has something to do with her portrayal in “The End of a Cycle” (which I know you wrote, that pseudonym wasn’t enough to hide your penmanship from me). Or maybe she genuinely misses you. Who knows what has happened between you two, when you were liberating Cardassia without me. But keep your secrets, I’m happy for your friendship. It did you a world of good, both of you. _

_ Anyway, I’m finally on my way to you again. As much as I love visiting DS9, reminiscing with Kira - hell, even with Quark (He’s still complaining that the new Chief of Security doesn’t take his business seriously enough, can you believe it? But of course, he does  _ **_not_ ** _ miss Odo at all. No, never.) My heart radiates with joy when I think about our reunion. I miss being able to see you every day, to touch you whenever I (and you) feel like it. I miss the feeling of your scales against my skin and the sound of your laughter in my ears, the taste of your essence on my tongue. _

_ Only another two days, then I’ll finally be able to hold you in my arms again. _

_ With love, Julian. _

_ PS: _

_ I enjoyed “The End of the Cycle” too. And I’m not only saying that because I’m biased when it comes to you. I genuinely think that you have a gift for storytelling. I always did. Why do you think I always came back in those first few years? You should really write those memoirs you’re always talking about. If just for you.  And me? _

_ By the way, I really liked the reference to Passh’ti and Milavi, and their Olmi'k vines. Can’t wait to embrace you under our own. _

_ PPS: I love you. _

  
  


_ *** _

  
  


Two years, ten months and six days had passed since Julian Bashir had been asked to leave Starfleet. Until now he wasn't quite sure what exactly had tipped the scale. Maybe his relationship with Garak, maybe his enhancements or maybe his refusal to bend his principles even for the Federation. But his relationship with Garak was what kept him grounded, that and his work at the Lakarian hospital. So his nearly honourable discharge from Starfleet - while it had hurt - wasn't as devastating as it might have been before the Dominion war. At least he was still a Federation citizen - but he knew that he had to be careful or he risked opardising it.

It had taken little thought (but a lot of paperwork) to follow Garak to his home planet to help in whatever way he could - no power in the universe could have forced Julian to make Garak face the destruction on Cardassia alone.   Those first months had been harsh. Death, despair and ash had been everyone’s constant companions. But the ties forged in those first days were the ones that still held strong. On Cardassia, respect was earned and in some ways it was  easier to share suffering than good fortune. It had certainly brought him and Garak closer.

Julian remembered the first time he and Garak had slept together. It had been barely two weeks after they had gotten together. It had been by no means fast but Julian had wanted to take his time (although as Garak had put it, five years of foreplay was more than enough). Besides, they had just been forced  to abandon DS9 and there had been a real chance that they both could have died. There really had been no point in waiting. Julian smiled as he always did when he thought about it. It had been clumsy - especially in that small bed in the small cabin - and at one point he had fallen off the mattress. For a moment they had been staring at each before they had broken into laughter.

That had been five years ago. So much had happened since then. The physical closeness they had found between the rubble left behind by the Dominion bombardments had been like nothing they had known before. Messy, desperate and sensual. At times it felt as if they had crawled into each other’s skins till one didn’t know anymore where Julian started and Elim ended.

Cardassia was still a harsh world. While many aspects had changed for the better Julian still sometimes felt terribly alone on that planet. The heat was awful on his metabolism. In the two and a half hottest months, Julian worked on a transport ship between Cardassia and Bajor as a medic. And on that occasion he always visited Deep Space Nine, the one place in the galaxy that had once truly felt like home.

Garak asked him from time to time:

“Are you happy here?”

And he always answered:

“I’m happy where you are.”

Everytime he returned to Cardassia, he would and could look forward to what was important. Garak, the work at the Lakarian hospital, the many children under his care – the orphans as well as a few whose parents trusted him with their care - their colleagues and friends, Cardassians and Federation aid workers, all the people who missed him when he was away. Coming back to all of them was a relief. Nothing could describe the joy he felt whenever he and Garak touched hands on the airstrip.

But every year when the hot season drew nearer, the noisy neighbours, the untrusty patients and the loud xenophobic politicians – some the remnants of the old regime, others not – had used the whole cycle to remind him why he didn’t belong on Cardassia the same way Cardassians did. And every year Julian felt the same guilt of being happy to be away from it all for a few months. Garak – after so long fighting to get back home – felt uncomfortable leaving Cardassia. It was a choice but not one he could make. But as long as Julian had – they had, really – DS9, Julian would go. Was it unreasonable – selfish, a tiny voice whispered – to want Garak and a slice of home. A place where he didn't have to listen to contempt because of his species. It hadn't taken much thought to follow Garak to Cardassia. He just hoped it wouldn't take much thought for Garak to come with him next year. Jadzia had once told him, many hearts are beating in a Trill’s breast – especially a joined Trill – and often they don't beat for the same reason. It came as no surprise to Julian that this wasn't only true for Trills.

The two of them had grown and changed with Cardassia. Maybe it was time for new negotiations. And now Julian knew how important reciprocacy and choice were in Cardassian society. In his opinion this had always been the most important lesson he had learned from Garak. Julian knew - as he came home from this year‘s space tour - he had to be honest with himself. He was happy with Garak but he wasn’t happy on Cardassia the way he wished he was. And sometimes he wasn’t sure if his partner was either. At the end of the day it was Garak’s choice too.

In this moment though, he banished those thoughts from his mind. The space port of Lakarian City came slowly into view and while he had been happy to reminiscence with Kira on DS9, he couldn‘t wait to be reunited with Garak.

  
  


***

  
  


_ My dearest Julian _

_ I’m glad that your journey towards Cardassia – towards me – is going according to schedule. The lack of your presence has been keenly felt. You will have to forgive me for not breaking into poetry upon your imminent return. _

_ I’m glad the Colonel is well. You’ll be pleased to hear that a Bajoran editor has come forward for a possible publication of “The End of a Cycle” on Bajor. It seems that I’ll have to convey my thanks to my fellow revolutionary. _

_ Yes, I should’ve known better than to think you wouldn’t figure it out. On the other hand, there’s only two survivors of Damar’s inner circle. It wasn’t too difficult to guess who the author was. I just wanted to make sure it was finished when you read it. And we both know how impatient you can be… _

_ I’m not counting the hours till you arrive because I’m not a hatchling experiencing his first foray into love. _

_ Till we see each other again. _

_ Elim _

_ PS: Why do you insist on using these “post scripts”? Just say what you have to say in the letter like any other civilised sentient being. _

 

_ I love you too. _

  
  


***

  
  


Garak - as always when Julian returned from his vacation from the heat - felt trepidation. Not necessarily because he didn't trust Julian to come back, but because he sometimes hated his own countrymen. The old woman who lived nearby and always commented on their relationship - especially how much she didn't approve. Or the immigration clerk who still couldn't believe that Garak wouldn't choose a proper Cardassian woman to ensure the survival of the species and the Cardassian state. While Garak was loyal to a fault, he had come to appreciate the Doctor's acceptance of himself. Cardassia still owned a large part of his being, but so did Julian. And in contrast to Cardassia he valued him for more than just his usefulness.

So, every time Julian returned to him he felt lucky in a way he never had before. The knowledge that his partner chose to be with him over and over again made Garak love him even more. There were times he cursed Cardassia's narrow minded populace, knowing full well that the state had preferred them this way in the pre-Dominion era. But now a new dawn was rising and it was time for change.

Garak saw the Doctor approaching - bathed in the yellows of Cardassia's sand winds - and he felt how his worries fall away. Julian's blinding smile was brighter than Prime's sun and warmed him far deeper than a star ever could. They touched their palms. A current of pent up sexual energy flowed through them.

Julian smirked.

"I feel very naughty. How do you feel about scandalising all these fine people?"

Garak - normally perfectly happy to bow to propriety - couldn't help but laugh and give into temptation.

"Dear, you've been rubbing off on me."

"Not enough lately." quipped the Doctor before he kissed his partner right in the arrival gate of the Lakarian spaceport.

  
  


Later - after dinner and dessert - they lay together on the lawn of their little house staring out into their own Olmi'k vines and felt a bone deep contentment in their intimacy. The Doctor smiled seemingly without reason while his partner basked in his return.

"Remember when we first talked about the seven deadly sins? That day you blew up your own shop and we kept giving each other the same chocolates over and over again?"

The Human's question woke the Cardassian from his musings.

"Of course, how could I forget? You were so delightfully flustered."

Julian blushed at the memory of Garak licking juices from his lips.

"I tried so hard to not let you see how much that display aroused me."

Garak just raised an eyeridge as he always did when he wanted to convey his sarcasm. The Human retaliated by kissing his ear ridges knowing exactly what reaction their stimulation would provoke. Then he whispered into the Cardassian's ear.

"Funny enough, lust is considered the least dangerous of the deadly sins."

Garak barely managed to keep his moan contained. They always played this game, and he didn't like losing.

"I'm not sure that's true, Doctor. A Cardassian would say the loss of control is the most dangerous. One is never more vulnerable than when one is completely overwhelmed by lust."

"Oh really, and here I thought one was most vulnerable and un-Cardassian when being overcome with sentiment."

"Oh no, Doctor! Sentiment in itself is not a crime, but the amount one applies is relevant. The state comes before all. As long as that sentiment is revered one is safe."

"Is that why you were exiled?" The Doctor's nonchalant tone did not distract Garak from the importance of the question.

"You don't give up, do you?" he said fondly.

Julian just smiled smugly, while the Cardassian bit his shoulder playfully.

"It is why they still don't fully trust me. The exile who brought back an exotic paramour."

The way the Human preened as his partner raked over his still naked body spoke volumes of Julian’s vanity. If he just put as much care into his fashion choices as he did into his poses Garak’s eyes wouldn’t suffer as much as they did.

"Oh, and that has nothing to do with you being an Order agent at all?"

Julian nuzzled into Garak's hair that was still tied into a messy bun. He loved it like that. The keeping of the longer hair after prison had become a symbol for the change in his partner. Evidently Julian had read that - at least to a certain extent - correctly because one of the first things Garak had done under the influence of the psychotropic drug on Empok Nor had been cutting his hair. But after they had gotten together the tailor had let it grow again.

Garak swatted unenthusiastically at Julian's hand which was playing with a few of the loose strands of his hair.

"Working for the good of Cardassia is not a crime, Doctor. You should know that by now. It's probably worse that I do not feel any urge to follow in Tain's footsteps."

And he didn't. Cardassia didn't need monsters anymore, it needed people. People like Julian, Kelas Parmak, Doctor Lang and even Tekheny Gemor if he still had been alive.

As if he sensed his brooding Julian crawled even closer to him and rested his head on Garak’s shoulder.

“Tell me one of your stories. I love them. They remind me of the stories that were passed down by my tete's ancestors. And maybe tell me one truth. It doesn't need to be big one, but it needs to mean something to you."

Yes, Cardassia wasn't perfect but at least now he could acknowledge and live with it. And maybe next time he would join the Doctor at least for a little while to visit the station that had been their home for so many years.

But for now, Garak would tell the Doctor sweet lies and veiled truths, knowing that his paramour enjoyed detangling them just as much as their slowly but carefully nurtured intimacy.

"As you wish, my Dear. So, I was sent to Bajor to check on the prefect of the Zuntori province. Central Command suspected him to misappropriate the profits of the dilithium mines and the agricultural output. When I finally arrived on Bajor, after a long journey full of ridiculous coincidences – which I will tell you about another time – I found total Anarchy...”


End file.
